Hey guys.  A while ago I did an interview with Pickup Podcast... the biggest podcast in the seduction community.

Well they recently released it as Episode 48.

So swing on over to Pickup Podcast and check it out.

Also we're talking about a book we're releasing called The Attraction Code.  The book is actually being released on April 16th and I'll be posting a full review of the material and bonuses later on but let me just say briefly that it's absolutely PHENOMINAL!  Swing on over to the launch page and sign up on the email list to pick up a bunch of free goodies.

Prec•e•dent

This word can mean the difference between you being the leader of the group or a beta. It can make the difference between lovers and friends. It can be the deciding factor on whether a lay will happen inside 2 hours or if it will happen at all.

Precedent, for our purpose, is all about establishing a basic set of expectations and underlying dynamics that will shape the frames of future interaction.

By setting an early precedent in our favor we can weigh the scales on our side to make our objectives easier to obtain.

Think about a Day2. If you have been physically escalating during the initial meeting and have kissed the girl then you will find that during the Day2 your touching will seem more natural and there won’t be a barrier in between you and your girl. The precedent has been set that you have a romantic undertone. You’re able to be physical with each other because that’s how you interact with each other.

The same thing goes when you’re making an effort to work a social circle. If you establish yourself as a leader inside of the group the precedent is set and people will look to you for guidance in regards to the social circle’s activities. This obviously works to proof you (but I didn’t need to tell you that right?) and therefore it should be your goal to set that underlying behavioral expectation.

To give you an idea of what I’m talking about, a good precedent to set would be as a physical person. You enjoy touch and you enjoy touching other people, it’s playful and natural and will allow you more leeway in regards to physical escalation. It serves you well and puts you on a good ramp towards your goals.

A BAD precedent to set would be being the guy who hits on all the girls in the social circle. It’s ok to be the fun guy who sex “just happens” with, but if you’re the guy who’s being sleazy and uncalibrated and running “game” (especially if it’s weak game) on all the girls without any regards to social context and unspoken rules then that’s a very bad thing. Word spreads around; don’t get a reputation of being this way.

Determine What Precedent’s Serves You Best

So how do you figure out what precedent is going to serve you best? Good question.

I wish I could spoon feed you the answer but when it comes down to it a lot of it is going to be based on your style and who you are. If you’re 5’3 and 100 pounds you’re not going to be able to be the guy who picks girls up and spins them around although it’s a very good and fun position to take.

Part of figuring out what works for you is going to be figuring out what your goals are specifically. Once you do this you need to figure out the best steps and advantages you can give yourself in order to achieve these goals, specifically.

To give you an idea of what kind of positive precedents you can establish I’ll give you a snippet from my own life.

I’m known as the guy who knows where to go for the best service and experiences, girlfriends come to me for information on anything including restaurants, clubs, shopping and even hair salons. I’m known as the guy who rolls around in a limo when I’m out hitting bars. I’m known as the guy who gets VIP and excellent treatment at the hottest places. I’m known as seeing and knowing a lot of the bigger names in the city’s nightlife. I’m known as the guy who amps up the party, if a girl is in a bad mood 5 minutes of my attention will change her night from shit to amazing. I’m known as a guy who follows my ambition and passions and usually succeeds.

Most of these things are precedents that any guy can set. That’s just a GLIMPSE from my life. These are all positive attributes and have been established through networking, and a lot of work on my part to get to this place. Since all of these things are a part of my life I’ve worked hard at them to build them to their highest level of value I could.

If you’re a bodybuilder, be the fitness guru for your friends.

If you’re a rock star, be the guy who teaches instruments to kids and who does the sing-a-longs at parties. Show people new bands and artists and invite people to shows.

If you’re highly connected in a city be the guy who makes shit happen for people. Help people network and introduce people to each other and you’ll be known as that guy. By the way this is something everyone can do. Know a chef who needs a job and know an owner of a restaurant? Make it happen so that the three of you are in one place at a time and introduce each other.

It’s all about taking your positive attributes and extending them to the absolute extreme end of positive value. Become known for good things, be the expert, the go to guy

This is possibly the most important part of this entire section. Over time you need to become the guy who is known for multiple things. Develop more than one aspect, it’s ok to be the fitness guru but you better also be connected and have more going for you than that. Don’t get locked inside a stereotype or single precedent, give people more than one reason to want you in their lives.

Changing Precedent

So you’ve fucked it up and now if you don’t want to get stuck even deeper into the frame you’ve built for yourself you must work towards establishing a new precedent.

The first way to change it is grinding it and breaking old patterns. This is more catered towards breaking a precedent you’ve set in a social circle. It’s going to be awkward and resisted by others at first. It will be an uphill battle (why do you think I push to set it properly from the beginning) as people will not make it easy for you. People are creatures of habit and having roles changed is something that the majority of the population has difficulty coping with, especially if you’re trying to take over leadership of a group. They will test you for congruence and try to force you back into the previous precedent set.

The second way to change precedent and the best way to turn the tables on one-itis and LJBF is to disappear completely (or with sporadic contact) for a reasonable amount of time and then reappear under a new context that you consciously set. Ever notice how when you cut a girl out of your life but she knows that you’re seeing other women that she will make an effort to get with you? That’s because you’ve indirectly set a different precedent than the one she remembers you by. She will test you but she will be doing this out of curiosity. Take advantage.

It’s always going to be easy to fall back into your old habits. Don’t let it happen. People are going to make it extremely difficult for you to stay in your new sought role. It’s like an addiction, it will only take one time and then slowly the old habits will come back. Hold your ground and pursue a better life through new precedent.

Power and Precedent

Power in relationships is also set by precedent. Who wears the pants is usually determined within the beginning of the relationship. Unless drastic changes are made the power usually stays in approximately the same position throughout the relationship.

If you’ve ever seen or heard of a situation where the woman was in charge through the relationship, this is an example of a situation where the woman was the one actively setting the precedent. By living inside these boundaries the man has given up his power. When the man tries to retake the power the situation can either reignite attraction or collapse the relationship depending on the people and the relationship. More often it’s the latter.

Also notice that you may lose previous friends due to your reformed position on precedent and you actively using it to establish power. Your friends like you, but they also like being in a position of power and when the balance of power is being actively shifted through a change of behavior they may not like it and there is a possibility of being shunned. Even though this is a possibility it is in your best interested to try to take the leadership role. Do it progressively and damage can be controlled, but understand the risk and realize it’s good for you.

This is why it’s important to establish dominance early on in order to receive compliance. It’s also crucial to set the boundaries and lines of what is and isn’t acceptable and be unwavering on the issue. By being the person to set the boundaries and being inside of them you establish yourself as the dominant subject of the interaction. You’re setting the rules and determining the punishments and rewards for breaking or following them.

The Cliff Notes

By understanding this principle you have a leg up on getting compliance. Set the proper precedent from the start. Analyze your goals for the interaction, group of people or your life and then take the proper steps to make certain that the proper underlying role is set to work for you. By doing so you’re able to build situations over a compliant frame.

Do what works for you, don’t try to be something your not. Expand on the things you are in such a way that they’re intensely potent examples of positive attributes, and once you have developed a main precedent work on building several more. Become a man of multiple avenues of value and make sure they’re all equally extraordinarily positive and magnetic.

If you don’t do this you may realize down the line that you’ve been lumped into a position that isn’t working for you. You’re going to be making things a lot harder for you. There are ways to change this but save yourself the trouble and get into the habit of getting the situation to work for you. Don’t rely on the methods described to change the precedent as it can and often will have disastrous effects on your relationships.

Power is given and it is taken. It’s not accidental. Power goes to those who put in the work and set the boundaries of the interactions with others.

It’s a hot summer day. You’re in nothing but a pair of swim shorts. The sun is hot and is beating on your skin, and you can feel it tingle and warm you up. A light breeze blows through your hair and you can feel it slide across your skin like a silk sheet. Your friends are goofing around and teasing each other behind you; you don’t look back at them but you smile because they’re your people and you love them no matter what. Looking into the deep blue sky you see birds flying above you riding the currents of wind and as your eyes drift from the sky to the horizon you can see for miles in each direction. It’s a beautiful day and there’s no where else you’d rather be. Nirvana.

A voice says to you “Are you ready?” You take a deep breath and hesitantly nodding your head knowing what you’re going to have to do.

The voice yells “Five!” Cheers begin emerging

“Four!” Your heart begins to race.

“Three!” You take a deep breath in.

“Two!” You look at your ankles and see the straps, they look strong and it reassures you that you don’t have a death wish…

“One!” You just want to feel alive. Your heart is beating out of your chest and you breathe out heavily. It doesn’t take spitting in death’s face to feel this alive, but it’s the best way you could think of. You look beyond your ankles and realize that you’re 200 feet above ground on a bridge but it’s too late because now you have to…

“JUMP!” And in that instant you let go of the railing and push your legs out extending you into the middle of air.

In that second, in that one second everything else disappears. Your worries, your bills, everything and everyone else in your world just fades away.

Seconds of freedom.

It’s what life is all about. The little moments of absolute freedom from everything other than the little moment itself.

A girl catches eyes with you. She may be blonde or brunette… you just know it doesn’t matter. She’s 100% your type. You smile at her, she smiles back and in that second everything else slips away. That’s a second of freedom.

You hang up the phone. A smile sweeps across your face knowing that you just closed the biggest business deal of your life. You’re absolutely set for money and although you’re still going to have to work hard you know that you’re not going to have any more problems. That’s a second of freedom.

A mother holds her newborn baby for the first time. They catch eyes and for the first time the baby stops crying. That’s a second of freedom.

So many people work towards living a day to day existance. They live to get that next paycheck so they can continue sitting in front of the T.V. watching C.S.I. nightly. They settle for someone who doesn’t ignite the fire deep in the pit of their stomach. There’s no adventure, no zest, no je ne sais quoi!

Work to enable yourself to have the freedom to pursue whatever you will! Find someone who lights you up, someone who you wake up next to and have nothing but seconds of freedom with.

Live your life for nothing and you’re living an empty life. Live your life in pursuit of more seconds of freedom and you’re living a life of passion. Chase the moments in which only the moment matters.

I’ve come to realize that my job isn’t to teach you how to pickup women. It’s to teach you how to pickup more seconds of freedom. It’s to teach you to chase and catch those fleeting seconds that make your heart melt. It’s the pursuit of ultimate happiness in the form of being in that moment with all your essence. And this makes me happy.

It’s not about being some sleazy player. It’s about finding your seconds of freedom, whatever that might mean for you.

In this speech I break down the DiCarlo Escalation Ladder, a 20 minute Lay Report and then do a Q+A.  Lots of value here.

1/5 http://youtube.com/watch?v=Wqftffaojj0

2/5 http://youtube.com/watch?v=1hnyEJqpUq4

3/5 http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZxDVUGZR9AA

4/5 http://youtube.com/watch?v=cx-Rl7Wb_8U

5/5 http://youtube.com/watch?v=x_UhRrPA39c

So today on my local lair board a guy asked a question about conversationalism.  I gave a pretty good answer... it's by no means complete... but it's a damn good blueprint on how to have never ending conversations with someone.

Then, if a girl is very talkative and/or the conversation evolves into a topic we’re both interested in, I can stay in the set for up to around 20 minutes sometimes, but more often than not I have a hard time keeping it going and bail after a minute or two simply because I run out of stuff to say. It’s very hit and miss. So I have a question...

Question #1: How do you consistently keep conversations going smoothly without resorting to canned routines? Any tips?

Conversationalism 101:

You have two basic parts to conversationalism. Statements and questions. With these two tools you can train yourself how to relate, probe and elicit emotion out of people.

Basic threading is taking a statement and breaking it into several different topics and then relating, probing or eliciting emotion out of one of the topics of your choosing.

Girl: "I like apples in the morning when I go to work."

The three topics in this sentence are apples, morning and work. You can now pick one or two of the topics and relate, probe or elicit emotion.

Relate: "Yeah I know apples are amazing... they give you lots of energy and there's nothing better than crunching into a nice fresh apple."

Probe: "Oh what is it that you do for work?"

Elicit Emotion: "What is it about apples that you love?"

Relating is just offering your own emotional reaction to the situation.

Probing is asking questions of varying depths to get on a new thread or to gather information. Eliciting emotion is done to get deeper into a thread and get emotional responses... think of them as like deep illogical probing.

With these tools you should be able to have a back and forth conversation like the person is your best friend. There's more to conversationalism and it'll take practice but try working with this and see how it'll take you.

Girl: "I like apples in the morning when I go to work?"

Me: "What is it about apples that you love?"

Girl: "I don't know, when I was a kid I used to love going to pick apples and eat them fresh so I guess I just got it from that."

Me: "I know... apples are amazing... there's nothing better than biting into a nice fresh apple and feeling the crunch between my teeth."

Girl: "Yeah and they're so juicy!"

Me: "Only the good ones, so what were you saying you did for work?"

Girl: "Oh... I'm in retail."

Me: "The good kind of retail... or like the kind where you fold a stack of shirts and then a 13 year old comes and tears up the pile?"

Girl: "Haha no no I work in high end retail... so 30 year olds come in and tear up my shirt piles."

Me: "God I know how that is... building something up like that and then having it destroyed in a second... as you can see I'm a bitter ex-retail-worker myself."

And so on to infiniti.

Also keep in mind that through physical escalation girls will be more compliant to converse. So always be escalating.

On the occasions when I do stay in set for a while, there is interesting and friendly conversation happening, but I feel like often there isn’t a lot of sexual attraction happening from the girl’s side. I’ve been starting to use kino recently, so for example I might touch her on the shoulder a couple times while we’re talking, but it’s not like that makes her want to jump me and start making out or anything. So I also have another question...

Question #2: How do you turn up the sexual tension when interacting with a girl, instead of just having a friendly conversation with her that goes nowhere? 

 

Escalate through a reward system. Slow your voice and give her the sexy eyes. Building sexual tension doesn't have to be done verbally... it's just... a subcommunicated vibe. Difficult to explain if I'm not right in front of you.

Use double entendre's and sensual language to describe things and do so in a way that you could be talking about something sexual but really it's just about an every day thing.

"I had just placed my ball on the tee and then I lined up... I SLOWLY surveyed the CURVY land of the golf course and the inhaled VERY SLOWLY feeling all the air SLIDE down into my lungs FILLING THEM UP DEEPLY and WARMLY. I STRADDLED UP to the tee and GRIPPED my club not too TIGHT but just FIRMLY enough that it wouldn't SLIDE out between my fingers as I was performing my STROKE. I took a couple of DEEP PENETRATING breathes and then PULL back LOOSELY getting ready to SLAM the ball as HARD as I could. I whipped my arms through as my entire body TIGHTENED up and I could just feel the club and ball CONNECT perfectly."

Keep in mind it's all about tonality and that's a very very WEAK example.

It's not so much NLP as it is just using Sensual Languaging to turn something as simple as teeing up on a golf course into something that's hot and amps up the sexual tension.

You see... by talking about sex blatantly it's releasing the tension. It's the reason why you have those super flirty girls who love to talk about sex and all that shit... it's a release... there's no more sexual tension when you bring it to the surface... BUT... When you talk about something normal in a sexually charged way... it AMPS up the sexual tension because you're talking about something completely different and boring but there's still a strong subcommunication of sex and sexuality being projected through your voice.

Talking sensually vs. every day conversation is the equivalent of the sexy pimp walk vs. the everyday white man stroll. Girls who see the walk just know he fucks good... same with a guy who can talk about anything in a sexy way... girls just know he fucks good.

I can do it with anything... I can make a cup of coffee sounds like a rimjob. It's ALL about the tonality. Start consciously training it.

can you explain elicit emotions better?

In a nutshell eliciting emotions means getting her talking about her deeper feelings on a subject.

It's the difference between "I like candy" and "Candy makes me feel like a kid again". You want her to say she FEELS things because that's when you can truly begin to understand a person... when you know how they feel about things.

A byproduct of this is that when she talks about how she FEELS about something she will start to feel it and experience it. That is why when we're talking about happy go lucky things we want to elicit the emotions because then she'll start to feel happy go lucky about it. The happier you make a person the more compliant they'll be and they'll begin to associate you with those good emotions.

Also... talking about emotions is different then what every other jackass is trying to accomplish so you'll stand out when you want to find out how she REALLY feels about things.