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How to Succeed at Failing (And Make it Look Easy!)
Jan. 20, 2008 1:46 AM - [ post comment ] Rule #1: Don't do anything different!
Rule #2: You have to believe you can fail, and then you will fail.
Rule #3: Fail and once you fail, you fail again!
Well I followed rule number one this past week. I didn't do anything different.. I know and it sucks. I found out that for my audition of Guys and Dolls (The one I thought I was guaranteed to have a lead in), that apparantly I didn't look like any role with lines or solos and they gave me a chorus part with a made up name. Well what this means to myself and to you guys that I now have a lot more time to dedicate to my game. Also I will be turning 18 in two months from just a couple minutes ago. Then I can go into clubs and have a hopefully better time. The one problem I find right now is a lack of anything to do. I have been house managing for my local community theatre (I have to have enough community service hours in order to graduate) and in doing so, I have missed an opportunity to go out and hang out with a group of people that only a slight slight slight number of them actually care for me (that would be 2 people).
On the otherhand, Pit & Balcony (the community theatre I work at) has girls my age involved in theatre. I don't know what anyone will tell you, but I tell you this. Actors are the most interesting people you will ever meet, and not only that but there are some real hott girls involved in theatre too. Which brings me to the HOTT girl at Pit. (Yes, she deserves two "T's") Well when it comes to her name I gave her I think you can understand what she looks like. She is hott, and not the usual acting type of girl that's kinda hott, this girl is just plain gorgeous. I believe I told you my little revelation about her watching Beauty and the Beast.
You know how looking at someone can give you an automatic impression. I got a huge impression of this girl, but it wasn't a usual kind of impression. This is one that pickup artists everywhere know, but don't really say it much. At least, I have heard little about it in the community with everything I have read. Looking at her made me think, "This is the type of girl who is always seen by everyone for being beautiful, and is only being treated as being beautiful, but waiting for someone to see her beyond the beauty and really be able to show her truly amazing personality to and share it with." Call me crazy, but that's what I thought. I had always seen her around (she was the girl who also said something to me at the audition years back and I ended up falling for her one friend) and yet watching this show was the first I truly got to appreciate her just plain gorgeousness. Well this made me think, "Well if what I think of her is true, it is more then to stop being a wuss, but to start looking at all women differently." Now I am not saying to hit on ugly chicks, unless they are with hott ones that you plan to pursue through the ugly one. I am saying that looks shouldn't matter on the girl when you go up to her. That's why those lines about making fun of the way they walk, talk, and act get them so interested in you. It's not just that every single guy says "wow you are gorgeous" to her in a single day. It's the fact that they only see the girl as being hott and that's the only reason they are even saying anything to her. But it's not about being social either, the girls aren't stupid and know that guys come up to them anyways because they are more the average looking.
I am not saying now to see every girl as being ugly, but I am asking to see each girl as just some girl. Nothing special, you don't even care if you become friends with her, you are just naturally this interesting social guy and this girl just happens to be lucky enough to be near you to be able to be around you. Not only how to talk to her, but even how you look at her and at one point, mentally project about her. This is more about mindset then anything else. I think you can not only destroy AA, but also automatically gain respect in every girl's eyes by developing this into your inner game. Most PUA's know this stuff and they act it right, but I don't think they know it to the certain aspect that they maybe need to. This is with the utmost respect to all pickup artists everywhere. This is just another little ramble by yours truly who has had no success whatsoever.
Well anyways, I find this girl so attractive and I can just see it in her eyes when she would look at me when I would see her at Pit that she found me almost disgusting. Not because she thought I was ugly, but because she knew how I could see her and she was so annoyed by it that she wanted nothing to do with me. Well I became desperate, because she has this attractive personality as well, and I feel like I could be perfect for her. This mindset of mine is much like that of me with theatre, when I see something I think is so perfect for me, I become desperate and figure out something and it ends up failing. Well I decided to do something very stupid... message her on Facebook. This is how the conversation went down... (Honestly, I am surprised that she responded, that just shows how much character she has. Or how bored she must have been.)
"Yeah, you probably do not know me, but I swear I have seen you before. I would not use this as some stupid pickup line since I don't believe in that crap. I swear I have seen you in a Pit show or 2.. I have done Pit shows and I have never been in a cast with you.. I swear we have talked before or something. Am I crazy or am I right? I will leave you alone if I am incorrect. I was looking at a friends profile from Pit, (bleep), and I saw a picture of her with you and I could not figure out how I knew you... I am really sounding crazy right now, but I thought I would take a chance and in the event I am incorrect, maybe get to meet someone new... :) ....Well nice talking to you.. Hope I am right.. My name is aleams by the way.."
her response:
"Haha, yeah you probably do know me from Pit. You're not crazy, you have probably seen me before. (bleep) is only my long lost sister/sole mate/lover, so if you've seen her, you've probably seen me.
I remember seeing you on strike day for Beauty and the Beast... could that be where you've seen me? I don't think that we spoke, but I remember seeing ya. I've also heard a bit about you from (bleep)!"
My response: - oh I get worse... lol
"Oh thank God!!!! lol I am not crazy lol.. What did (bleep) say about me? lol.. Or are you not supposed to say.. Oh yeah, for Beauty that's it.. I swear I have seen you otherwise though.. I want to say Biloxi Blues auditions, but i am probably wrong, but anyways.. Glad to hear back from you and uh yeah.. Did you have a good Christmas and New Years?"
Her response:
"Haha, don't worry she didn't say anything bad. She just mentioned that she was in a play with you. Yeah, I auditioned for Biloxi Blues so you might have seen me there also. I was in Bye Bye Birdie, Don't Forget Your Mitten, and Six Degrees of Separation too.
My Christmas and New Years was great! I don't want to go back to school, though. How was yours? Are you auditioning for Little Shop?"
My response:
"I would absolutely love to, I was told I could play a pretty great Seymour, but I work at McDonalds now and it is hard to balance that and school with a pit show and also my school is doing Guys and Dolls so I will probably be getting a lead in that. So it would be extremely difficult to fit in a Pit show with 3 other things.. I really want to since that would be my last time on the stage since Broadway Bound and that might be the last time I ever acted at Pit since I am going to Western next year. Would it be alright if I sent you a friend request? I know we don't know each other well, but.. lol
My Christmas and New Years were decent.. My Christmas was amazing cause I got everything I asked for so I am happy, but the actual celebrations of Christmas and New Years with family and friends were not as joyous. Did you get what you asked Santa for? haha
I think thats how I remember you.. Biloxi Blues auditions and also weren't you in the girl admirers of Birdie? I remember a large group of girls standing by the door and I had a conversation with some of the girls. I remember that because that's how I met (a different bleep) when she was a part of my life (we never went out or anything).. I was house manager for Six Degrees, but I don't remember the show much. I enjoyed Six Degrees and Beauty a lot.. Did you see any of the shows I was in?
Well I am glad that she didn't have anything bad to say about me.. :).. She has always been nice to me for as long as I have known her. haha.. Well I have no idea where to go from here.. lol.. I am going to go make myself some fresh, hot chicken noodle soup from the stove (since my microwave was making sparks lol).."
I think just reading my response above, I see how all the PUA's got it right when they say to not have lengthy messages and this is a good example of why.
Her response:
"That sucks that you can't do Little Shop! I'm planning on auditioning and am trying to decide what to audition with. I might just have to settle for "Suddenly Seymour."
No, I didn't get everything I asked for for Christmas, but what I got was amazing enough. I wanted an Ipod, hoped for a little Ipod nano, but got an 80GB Ipod Classic. So yeah, I'm pretty satisfied.
I was originally a chorus member in Birdie but ended up playing Deborah Sue for most of the performances.. I suppose I was in a group of admirers... there were too many groups of squealing girls to tell you which one I was in. And I'm glad you enjoyed Six Degrees and Beauty & the Beast! They were sooo much fun.
No, I've never seen a show you were in. I've just heard your name a few random times.
Haha, don't blow up your microwave. Or yourself. And enjoy your chicken noodle soup. I'm about to go pick up (bleep) from Pit.
Are you planning on seeing Enchanted April? I'm helping with that show.. maybe I'll see ya later!"
This is my last response to her.. The worst one yet with what I feel had the most humor to them all. I was trying to generate some laughs and make her see me as being interesting. This is the result!
My response:
"Don't worry we had to throw away my microwave over here so no chance to blow up my house. Well I wasn't exactly planning on watching it but if you can give me the dates I can try to make at least one of them. I haven't been called to work house for that show yet, but I can see what I can do.
Oh ok, yeah I didn't see Bye Bye, but I heard it was good. Though pretty hectic with your Birdie situation I heard. Well I am glad to hear that you got a iPod like you wanted. 80Gigs is a lot.. lol.. Well I hope you have a lot of songs to add to it. I only have a 2GB Ipod nano from when they first came out and got redesigned like two years ago. It's a nice one, and crammed it full of all types of music like Matchbox Twenty, Queen, and some showtunes, some Kayne West and a whole bunch of random stuff. What music do you listen to?... You seem like a gangsta rap type of music lover to me, with your jeweled out yankee hat to the side and purposely large football jersey and your air force 1's high top, riding down the streets with your homies, smoking some hash, talking about how you "brought the roof down" at the nearest get together, and all that nonsense.. haha.. So have you ever seen any Broadway shows? My school has a yearly trip to New York City and I have seen Wicked, Rent, and Spamalot so far.. I want to see Spring Awakening, Jersey Boys, and otherwise no clue what else to see.
I want to do Little Shop, so you may see me there, I just have a hectic schedule and may not be able to do it. I am not saying no yet... Well you have fun hanging out with (bleep) and send her a "hello" and a "how are you" from me. I have no clue where to go from here... lol.. I am not good at these kind of things.. lol.. I hope to see you soon..."
Okay... That was my attempt at humor and she must not have found it funny since she never responded. This is why I know I have problems, just no clue how to fix them. Humor is something I find to be most important in pickup and even in improv and that is something I lack. My father wasn't a very funny guy, but my grandfather on my mom's side is funny. I know where I got my sense of humor from and I know where I got my actual humor from. I also know why most PUA's say to go for the phone number early. If you talk for too long online, you willl look like you have nothing better to do then constantly be online talking to people since you never get out.
The problem was that I responded immediately too, I never took a single break or prolonged the conversation. That was the course of about 4 days. Well anyways.. I was called in to be the house manager at the Enchanted April show she said that she was helping out in. I did it tonight and tomorrow. I don't see her before the show at all. I only see her just minutes before intermission as I am closing the house doors and about to go to the bathroom. She walks by and I smile and she responds with one and I say "Hey" and she says "hey" with a little less enthusiasm as I am. I am giving her eye contact with every word I say, but not staring since I was taking off the door stoppers on the bottom and focusing on that too. I had no clue what to say beyond that and she said with the door open, "Is this a full house tonight?" I replied "no, not at all.." with a laugh since there really wasn't one. She must not have found that to be funny, I didn't mean that in an offensive way, but she must have. She didn't say anything in reply and then I do not see her until after the show and I was talking to I don't remember who and I kinda turned and noticed her looking in my direction so I smiled and she did the same kinda. I didn't know what to say to her and I was kinda in my own conversation I think, or maybe I was walking around trying to figure out what to do next, but anyways. After that I don't know what it was, but I felt this cold vibe from her. I always had to walk into the concession stand area and she was standing near there and I think she thought I was trying to find excuses for me to be near her or maybe she thought I was stalking her or something. I didn't look at her after the smile thing from a distance and I think she was too aware of where I was cause it seemed like she was always walking away from me though I didn't want to talk to her or even look at her since I was trying to do my job.
I don't know, but I didn't know what to say to her or do and so I just might have missed out on being in possibily my first relationship and with a girl I find attractive on multiple levels. I was hoping that since I was good aquaintances with her friend that I was in a show with before, and shared my first and only kiss but only because of the show because it was written and she didn't want to kiss me, and that since she was acting in this show.. I could talk to her and then she would invite me to party with the cast and crew (where the hott girl would be) and then it could all go uphill from there. Well that didn't happen and I hated it. Nothing worked out for me tonight. On the bright side, I will be seeing her tomorrow and then next friday and saturday. Now I just have to know what to do and how to fix the holes I dug before..
About the sophomore girl.. No updates since I believe that everything I had to say about her was said in the last blog. I only got one thing of advice from a fellow member of this fine site and it was great advice. Amazing advice and even got a thumbs up from the natural friend of mine at school. I just don't know what exactly to say, and I would love to get as many people's advice in this new situation and my situation from last week's blog.
I have made a decision that this summer I will not only be taking the 30 day challenge, I will also buy a product. I can only afford one product that can help me with women, this will be either audio, DVD, book, e-book. This is where you come in. I need the advice of the perfect manual for me to help me with all the problems you see and notice. I do not want subscriptions, just the physical product itself. Any suggestions can be life changing to my current life, so please think hard on this one. I want quality products that can get me results guaranteed and fix my inner and outer game in every way I have ever mentioned. I also want to be funnier.. That's something I do not say in my list and also to be a better improviser.
Thanks a ton guys and thanks for all the support and please help!
aleams
UPDATE: She was a no-show to the show today. Neither was my friend that I was supposed to go eat with and had to postpone once already. I don't have any friends... My psych says that everyone I consider to be a friend is really only a good aquaintance, given the present and past with them.
Some girl I wasn't attracted to was constantly talking to me today, I could tell she was into me. I don't get it, I talked to her like a human being, though my attraction to her on a scale of 1-10 was probably very little (between 3-5, so a 4). Well the good pickup artists always say, "Treat the hott ones like you would the ugly ones." More or less, they are right. When you act like you are not attracted to a girl, you are more likely to attract her that way, then to act like you are attracted to the girl and be all over her. That would cause her peel you off of her like sunny side eggs on a hot cement with a fork. (The point is, it will hurt). Now I know I am bad at wording things like with in the beginning of this post talking about how to see women. I couldn't describe that all pickup artists say that, but the way I am trying to explain it (and not well) is a little different then I tried explaining it. Ironically, one of the PUA's on my email newsletter list, Zan Perrion, made a post almost directly answering my questions just today actually.
This is what he had to say about the matter..
"There is a big difference between appreciating a woman's beauty and putting her on a pedestal. And believe me, women sure know the difference. The key is to have no agenda. For example, let's say you see a pretty girl and you approach her. And you have a goal of getting her phone number. So you say to her, "Wow, you look fantastic!" Well guess what? You are now going to calibrate her response to how well it aligns with your goal of getting her number. If it is a favorable response, you feel good. If it is not a favorable response, you feel a twinge of rejection because you realize your objective (her number) just might be unobtainable. Thus you get a sense of failure. In other words, the reason you gave her that compliment is for her to like you more. You have an agenda and a desired outcome. This is why guys fail spectacularly when they do the normal things like buying drinks or flowers or complimenting her. It is because they are doing it in the context of: If I do this, maybe I will get something in return from her. Maybe she will like me more than other guys, or she will give me her number, or she will sleep with me. So now consider the same scenario, but you have no agenda. In other words, you are approaching her and saying "Wow, you look fantastic!" because that is who you are. You like beautiful women and you don't apologize for it. You have no goal. Her number might be offered or you might decide to ask for it or maybe not. It is irrelevant. It's hard to describe, and admittedly hard to detach yourself from a desired outcome (after all, she is pretty and you would love to get to know her), but it is the mindset you should try to adopt. It is the key, I believe... I call it dancing in the moment... You are dancing in the moment with her, you have no plan, and you can't possibly fail if you are unattached to the outcome.
Seeing beauty in women everywhere does not mean you are necessarily pursuing them! Or have an agenda concerning them."
He has it right on with what I mean, and answers some of my own questions on that. So I take back that comment about PUA's not talking about it.. An interesting thought is that this is why whenever I am about to approach a girl I fail. I only think about what I want out of it. I come into the situation thinking of an outcome, and when it doesn't happen that's why it sucks so hard. Last night and today, my goals were to talk to this hott girl at Pit and make a time to hang out with her today. Well, not seeing her today, bummed me out, but I noticed something. Talking to a the best friend of hers, that I am not particularly attracted to, but more then the girl hitting on me. Talking this this friend of the hot girl, I noticed how uncomfortable either I was feeling or being. Like I had no charisma, I smiled and talked with her a little, but something just wasn't right. I feel this way in almost all conversations with girls in person. I became conscious of everything I was saying and feeling and had no clue what to say. In my mind, I can imagine being this amazingly charismatic and social and just plain cool and interesting guy. I do not project that.. It almost makes me wonder if that may be why I lack any real friends.
Here is the ultimate shit test I got a couple days ago from a bitch at work.. The girl I am practicing and testing things with was talking about getting a new tattoo on her ankle and on her waist area. She wasn't serious or at least I hope she wasn't.. Well I said to her, "Oh yeah, I saw that on you the other day!" She was confused for a second then once she figured out the sexual innuendo she laughed. For some reason, the "bitch" said to me. "Oh, shut up Andrew you have never touched alcohol in your entire life". I said to her "Actually I have and you wouldn't know that." She said, "Yes, I do. I know people from Nouvel and they all say that your a nobody and that no one likes you." She starts laughing at that and I don't even know how to respond. Not even minutes before that she was telling the girl from work I always talk about that "I am best friends with Tricia and she said that you got stood up for a date by a girl." Which happened, but no clue how she found out, either of them. She tells Angela (the girl I am talk about) how I went to go see a movie and I just stood there the entire time and waited and she never showed up. While the bitch is laughing, I am just saying "What are you talking about?" Honestly, that exact story never happened, but it has happened 3 or 4 times to me that I have been stood up to movies and in general places.
This is one shit test that I don't know how to pass. I mean she hit low and deep on that one. It depressed the hell out of me and then Angela and the bitch start asking me what is wrong just because I don't say a word after all of that. They acted like they did nothing wrong insulting me so rudely and making a joke out of it. I guess I should have "manned up" as one of my managers have once told me when I asked him advice on a girl. I didn't have to take it so harshly, but I did because of my past and no clue how to not take that deep. I have no control over my own feelings and subconscious. I didn't cry, and I didn't bitch either, so I didn't wuss out. I just shut right up and didn't say anything for a long time. How does anyone respond to things like that? She wasn't particularly good looking.. at all. But laughing with them shows my own insecurities and insulting her right back only makes me look bad. I couldn't think of any cocky/funny statements or any negs or anything like that in response. It's amazing how words can inspire the moods and entire days of people around listening to them. This girl made sure she said this to Angela just so that she would think less of me. The reason why she would do that, only God knows why. I don't care even if she finds me attractive and jealous of Angela, though nothing different with her.
Well remember how I told you about that text message I sent Angela asking her if she only saw us as friends or as different. To begin with the day I worked with her next, she was very cold to me.. Later on, she warmed up and we started kinoing and joking with each other. I can't help but feel like my wuss move made a difference on her view of me.
Well anyways, regardless of what Zan says, I still find myself creating agenda's with every girl I find attractive. It's something I cannot help, until I know how to stop it. I can't just say "alright it stops now" and it goes away. I have to work with it and just plain slowly delete it and make it so that if I ever do think that way that I ignore it and it doesn't affect me. Not only that, but I am still clueless of what to do or say. Honestly, I forgot what I was trying to say in the beginning of this paragraph. I wasn't trying to say that, but that's what came out. That's a problem of mine. I am horrible with wording things. Also thinking of what to say. But my point of this paragraph is that regardless of what Zan said in that newsletter today, my problems continue. I have not tried his advice yet, but it would help for me to at least practice on a girl I find attractive first.
Well that is my update to the post.. Basically a "How to Succeed at Failing" Part 1.5.. lol
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