I got an email recently from a guy asking about product recommendations. I started to write my reply and it turned out into this my first blog entry.

You know, when I started it was at the end of the NLP era (end of 2002 Ross Jeffries stuff). Then I quickly went on the David D. And I thought I had found gold. David D is still great, even though for practical application it could be a little outdated. A lot of his principles are still great and solid though.

Then Mystery became the new guy... well, great structure and a great way to get your feet wet. Mystery's stuff is based on a lot of canned material and it's VERY useful to desensitize oneself socially. Yet I think it's just training wheels.

What I've been personally more interested in lately (and that seems to make more sense) is learning how to develop Natural Game; where stuff will fly naturally. Relying on canned stuff forever I think is kind of counter-productive in the long term. I would personally recommend looking more into the Natural Game in general.

The funny thing about Natural Game is that it comes out so different in different people. Everyone is unique and has a unique personality to DEVELOP, so what works for one dude might not necessarily work for another; because the whole point of Natural Game is to become yourself (that is a better version of yourself).

I also like Tyler's idea of internalization; where we try hard for a period of time and then completely let go. Great way to improve quickly.

I think there is value in every method and teaching. In my opinion it's more about HOW it's applied and assimilated and understood. There is no one BEST way. Apart from everyone being different and getting better at their pace and using different teachings, it kind of comes down to teaching ourselves what works for us and being creative ourselves.

I've been talking to a friend about a concept to understand and to apply new learned concepts and ideas.

1) Cognitive Dissonance.

Basically it's the theory (a pretty valid one in my opinion) that humans generally can not hold two conflicting, contradictory, or opposite ideas at the same time in their brain. That is, we as humans are generally not able to accept two contradicting ideas as true and as not true at the same time.

You can read more about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance

Well, the thing about it is that as counter intuitive and crazy as that sounds, I think there something to learn and practice based on this concept. Specially when it comes to learning new concepts and material.

An example would be to say "If you don't have canned material you're gonna go up and bomb because you're not prepared."... and someone against canned material would say... "Well, you don't want to be using fake lines, you wanna be yourself and ultimately be more comfortable with yourself where stuff will come out naturally."... and the other would argue again... "Canned stuff works for me so that's what I should be doing."

We can find arguments like that in favor or against a certain method. But as you can see, understanding concepts and philosophies are not as cut and dry.

We need to SYNTHESIZE IT!

2) Thesis, Antithesis, and Synthesis.

A Thesis is an idea or a concept. The Antithesis is the counter of that idea; the opposite, whatever you call it. Then we have the SYNTHESIS, which is the result of combining both ends of the spectrum of a certain idea item, and then come up with a new understanding that is both practical and groundbreaking.

You can read more about it here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thesis%2C_antithesis%2C_synthesis

So it seems that for the most part there is a) the information based on someone's experience also based on a certain context (sometimes the context is hidden if the author can not express himself properly), and then b) the understanding of that information, which is achieved through synthesis.

In the end you could say there is no "right or wrong". (Of course there is ignorance, which is usually someone talking out of their ass without any actual experience or ANY basic understanding; maybe even dilusional. But I think we're talking about PU Gurus here, guys who usually have something substantial or significant to say.)

A synthesis of my earlier example would be:

"Well, I need to use some canned stuff to get going, yet not lose track of what I ultimately want. The canned material will get me going at first, but I should eventually use other processes as well that will lead me to my ultimate goal of being a Naturally Attractive Man."

There will always be someone saying shit about a certain method, or glorifying it as if it's the ultimate knowledge. And the funny thing, both could be right! The synthesis that we get out of the contradicting stances is what we really want.

Now, I can't prove this yet, but I think this synthesis is a bit unique to each individual. Obviously we don't have the Internet in our brains and can not hold every bit of information available in the universe. So we gotta use the limited brain we have and synthesize what we can and what is particular to us.

In sum, what I get out of all of this is that we should start thinking more about what we're learning before taking on so easily the personality and behaviors of other PUAs, PUMs or PUGs. Point being that there seems to always be more to a new principle learned than meets the eye.

Moving on and beyond...

Beyond all the techniques, methods, and application, and even AFTER a lot of social experience; what really makes us men to the point where we can maintain good relationships (with women and everyone), it's when we ultimately become more aware and interested in other things in life that goes beyond women. More deeper things... More deeper development... More fun even!

After all field practice and learning how to be good with women, there ought to be more. I suggest we should also try to learn more about ourselves, what drives us, what is that one thing that we HAVE to do before we die, about our goals and aspirations, purpose... THAT is a successful person. This "going beyond" stuff is actually even more elusive than women, and in my opinion it's the ultimate holy grail of what we're trying to do as "Pickup Artists" (at least I hope so).

I know a lot of guys out there are really into getting laid laid laid, as if that's the ultimate goal in life. Congratulations, Playboy magazine brainwashed you pretty good. Well, the way I see it, so what if we can bang 30 strippers in 30 days 12 months in a row!? Or even lots of cuties (who deep inside may have lots of emotional problems themselves); and after getting our freaks on them we wouldn't want to be around for much longer... If that's our ultimate goal, then I think some of us PUAs might be setting ourselves up for failure in the long run.

Fine, for a few years (very few - 2-3 or so years) having a lot of women is fun and can be "healthy" almost. (Lots of validation, satisfaction, growth etc.) I just wouldn't lose sight of other aspects of life (whatever that is for you), and in the end women should be taking only about 15% of your attention and energy.

On that note, I personally like Carlos Xuma stuff (he is great at synthesizing great concepts). I also like Derek (from the Authentic Man Program). Great stuff. Anthony Robins, Napoleon Hill, David Deida and many many others. I used to like Mystery stuff, but nowadays it seems a little too superficial to me when compared to what's available out there. The RSD are the guys out in the field hardcore; not sure if that's the best thing for everyone, but they definitely have a passion for this stuff. RSD is a little too "pickup girls only" focused, but VERY valuable lessons learned and well conveyed by Tyler and others. (I specially like Tim. Don't you love repeating "I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks of me!") :) EDITOR'S ADDITION August 2008: (RSD BluePrint Decoded rocks. Congrats to Tyler!)

The funny thing is that everyone is looking for the "pickup lines" at first. (I think it's inevitable and any newbie will always wanna do that). Yet, the reality is that the more you grow and the better you get with women, the more you realize that being TRULY and EASILY successful with women has more to do with being successful at life also. (Not for the money or stuff you have, but for the personal power we generate within ourselves when we're happy with ourselves and our life). Heck, even a park ranger can be a happy dude AND good with women, provided he is doing his calling and living his life as a self aware and confident man; not the life that some PU guru is selling you're "suppose" to have.

A lot of guys with a lot of women are not happy. So what are we really looking for? Sure, let's get this women issue out of the way for once and for all, yet we're smart people and should use our energy to develop and grow beyond learning how to pickup women. That's all.

In general PUAs (or people into this) tend to be quite smart, open minded, and free thinkers. We are inatly a very sexy special group of people. I don't know how we are but we are. I say this because my experience tells me that if you tell this stuff to friends they'd EITHER be totally into it right away, or reject it with a vengeance. Some may "convert" and see the light overtime, but most either LOVE it right away or dismiss it completely (probably due to their own fears and doubts). I think (can't prove this either) that most existing PUAs are generally ALREADY open minded for some obscure reason. Maybe it's DNA :)

That's my three cents for now... Allow me to say that my skills are not nearly stratospheric or even "acceptable" compared to a lot of guys in the community who go out a lot, although compared to how I used to be I got a better handle of things; and I'm grateful for any improvement I have made. I still have a lot to learn and PRACTICE and I look forward to it.

Leo